can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
