If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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