You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
