Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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