Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
