I will die if light touches me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
