You made me cry and you don't even care
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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