I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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