I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
