dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
