I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
