This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
