It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
