i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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