Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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