it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
