I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
