dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
