Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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