i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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