you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
