Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
