I just made out with a guy for $7.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
