There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
