Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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