There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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