Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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