ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
