I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
