mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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