worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
