I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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