Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
