How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
