you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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