i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
