Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
