32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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