Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
