This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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