respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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