yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
