I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
