ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
