the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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