after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
