..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
