Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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