I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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