That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
