I didn't shave. On purpose
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
