Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
