Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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