if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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