I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
