You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
