Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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