R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
