My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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