people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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