the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
