I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
