yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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