and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
