Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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