wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
