I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
