i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
