we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
