Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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