My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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