some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
