I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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