Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
