I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
