oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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