i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
