if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
