well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
