Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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