Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
