I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
