I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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