so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
